Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
BRING THE BAGELS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
