My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
