I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
