I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
