Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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