I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
