I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
