This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
