And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
