$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
