ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
