And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think your dad took our porno
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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