Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
