it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
