Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
