I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
