Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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