I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
