false alarm. still invincible.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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