I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
