Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
