I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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