Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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