I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
