My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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