My Higher Power is John Stamos
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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