ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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