honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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