I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Small penises have feelings too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
