do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
