I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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