i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
