He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I AM VODKA MAN
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
