the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
