Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
