All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
