so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
