Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
