I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
