I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
