i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
