Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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