do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
