my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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