It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
