we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
