I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
