I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
