Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
