I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When are your genitals available?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
