some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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