The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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