everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
